If you are one of my loved ones that worry about me because of the things you read here, this letter is for you. All of you. I know it would be too much to ask you to stop worrying, so I won’t. But I will ask you this.

Would you please worry less? For me?

What you read here isn’t my entire life. It’s not even a fraction of my day-to-day or overall. For the most part, my life is great. It’s just that once in a while I get overwhelmed by the little things. A huge collection of little things. A collection that silently grew when I wasn’t paying much attention. Then suddenly fell on top of me with such force that it rendered me helpless. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t speak. All I could do is cry. Silently.

Do you ever get that feeling where if you talk about what’s on your mind you’ll burst into tears? The kind of tears that won’t stop, coupled with the inability to breathe because the words got caught in your throat? That feeling you don’t want to experience just yet because you’re not ready? You know it’s gonna be one of those intense meltdowns that you can’t get ahold of?

That feeling? Well, I just can’t bring myself to let you hear me that way.

Many of you have voiced your concerns about me and wish I would pick up the phone and call when I’m feeling down. That feeling I just described. That is why I don’t make the call. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about it. Sometimes I’m just not ready to feel that helpless.

I understand that it’s healthy to talk about my problems. Trust me I know and practice this often. I will, and do, talk to people about what I’m going through. The thing is, sometimes I just can’t bring myself to speak.

So I write my thoughts down. That way I’m letting it out, but the tears fall down my face softly and silently. I’m the only one that knows it’s happening when it’s happening. That way you will know what I’ve been through, but won’t have to hear me fall.

Just know that I always pick myself back up. Brush myself off. And do something about whatever problems I’m dealing with. I’ll fix it over time. I just need to know that you’re there, but not worrying.

At least not too much, k?

Loves & kisses,
stone